Fighting porn can feel like “rolling a boulder up a mountain”.
When you experience a porn relapse after enjoying freedom from porn, you may be saying, I just relapsed again! Am I ever going to win this fight?
What you’re going through right now is actually a pretty common story.
But, many have fought back – and won again and again! The good news is that you’ve actually succeeded and stopped watching porn for a time.
You can succeed again and do better with some expert advice from those who’ve traveled this road ahead of you.
First let’s be clear about what counts as a porn relapse as opposed to a slip-up.
(And, like a game of “Where’s Waldo” we’ve hidden some Super-Savvy Tips in this post that are tried and proven nuggets of advice from those winning the fight.)
What is a Porn Relapse?
Some consider viewing porn one time after being clean for a time as a porn relapse. But, that’s more like a stumble or a slip-up on your porn recovery journey.
Generally speaking, sex addiction therapists agree that a porn addiction relapse involves returning to a regular pattern of viewing porn after a period of sobriety.
A one-time lapse is a warning sign to be more aware of what’s going on. Repeated lapses mean you’re in a downward spiral. But you can break the cycle by facing the truth.
Ask yourself a few honest questions:
- Have I been regularly watching porn again and hiding it from my spouse or accountability partner?
- Have I allowed myself to regularly look at porn-substitute materials like triggering social media profiles or sexualized content in movies?
- Am I regularly fantasizing about porn scenes and not redirecting my thoughts?
These are just a few signs that you’ve relapsed or are on the verge of doing so after a slip-up.
Relapsed? Consider These Next Steps.
“You’re only as sick as your secrets,” ~ Alcoholics Anonymous
If you realize you’ve had a porn relapse, don’t let shame, secrecy, and PORN hold you back from reaching for your goals again.
STEP 1: Avoid focusing on self-judgment
One of the biggest pitfalls after a porn relapse is an all-or-nothing mentality – when you let your internal critic beat you up after failure, telling you that you’ll never succeed. Or, that you’re too dirty and don’t deserve another chance.
“No matter how hard we try, we can’t hate or shame ourselves into change,” author and therapist Aundi Kolber, MA, LPC reminds us in her book Try Softer.
Practicing self-compassion fosters growth, unlike toxic shame.
Talk back to your inner critic! Tell yourself that it’s okay to need and ask for help. Then take positive steps forward quickly.
STEP 2: Take positive action – time for a u-turn!
Well-worn brain ruts formed by a porn addiction take time and effort to rewire.
Porn relapsed you back to the old, well-worn brain patterns.
Now it’s time to purposefully take a u-turn.
One key step is to ask for help from a trusted mentor as soon as you realize you’ve relapsed – within 48 hours is best.
Don’t let yourself delay.
A simple, honest conversation is all it takes: “Hey, I’m reaching out because I let porn get the upper hand. Could we meet very soon?”
Or, “I really need to talk. I’ve had a porn relapse. How soon can we schedule a call?”
During your meeting with your mentor, talk about two key things.
First, acknowledge your wins together.
Grieving the failure is important, but don’t stay stuck there.
It’s important to be reminded how long you avoided porn before your relapse. If you’re just beginning porn recovery, going a whole week without watching porn may be your first milestone.
Even two steps forward, one step back is STILL progress.
Next, plan together what you can learn from this relapse. Here are a few key things to think about:
- What happened right before the porn relapse?
- What can you do differently next time?
- What is my recovery plan for the next few days and weeks?
This is also an important time to re-examine your porn triggers and learn more about yourself.
STEP 3: Identify porn addiction triggers.
Life is a two-sided coin, amazing and terrible. Tragedy strikes. Relationships crumble. Work, finances, illness – any of life’s challenges trigger us to seek relief and numb stress in unhealthy and isolating ways.
That’s why therapists often use the easy acronym HALT to remind you to ask yourself, Am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired?
Understanding what triggers you to watch porn helps you fight back effectively.
We provide an in-depth guide to discovering and making a plan for your personal porn triggers by first taking this free quiz.
Super-savvy tip #1 from recovery experts who’ve been down this road? Journal about your porn relapse experience and take notes on your triggers.
Real change requires a journey of self-discovery and personal growth.
Practical Porn Relapse Prevention Strategies
“To people who are starting down the road to freedom… community is never optional in the journey to freedom.” ~ Brad
Strengthen your support system
You can’t win this fight alone! That’s what we hear from every single person who is succeeding in their porn recovery.
Many times it takes a team effort.
If only one person is supporting you on your porn-free journey – and that person is your spouse – consider “doubling the guard”. (Often it’s stressful and triggering to your spouse to be your sole source of support during porn recovery.)
Letting another trusted person into your life pays off in powerful ways. Accountability is a time-tested way to reach important goals!
But, what if you don’t know where to ask for help and accountability?
Porn recovery support groups are a perfect place to start.
Find community support.
Porn and sex addiction groups, secular or faith-based, allow you to meet with others who share your fight and really get your struggle. Some in the group will have more battle experience and helpful tips to share.
“You need people who will ask you how you’re doing, people who will follow up with you, people who not only just want to know how you’re doing with your addiction, but just how you’re doing…
Stay in community with people like that! And stay focused on your vision of freedom, and you will get there.” ~ Brad
Set up or maintain online boundaries.
Online porn is everywhere you turn. Setting up guardrails like online porn accountability software gives you a powerful tech edge in your battle.
In fact, 95% of our community of accountability app users say they view significantly less porn. And – 63% say their porn consumption drops to zero.
The power lies in knowing that an accountability partner you choose and trust will be alerted by the app if you view suspicious content. You’re way more motivated to stick to your goal of quitting porn, even in a weak moment.
In fact, Eric told us that fighting porn prior to using an accountability app was “hellacious”.
Talk to a sex addiction therapist.
Certified Sex Addiction Therapists (CSATs) often understand the seriousness of porn addiction, unlike other types of therapists who may minimize or even justify a porn addiction.
Seeking help from a CSAT is a power move that will give you more tools to fight against porn relapse over time.
They can help you identify mental porn relapse triggers before an actual physical porn relapse occurs.
Reassess goals
Take notes on what you’ve learned from your porn relapse. Then adjust your porn recovery plan.
For example, until you find your inner strength again, consider asking your accountability partner to check in with you daily. We all need “someone to lean on.”
Also be willing to identify and radically change up small habits in your daily routine that may be tripping you up.
Super-Savvy Tip #2: Always charge your phone in another room besides your bedroom at night to help you avoid late-night lonely scrolling.
Establish healthy habits
Positive change always involves learning healthy ways to cope! Check out these ideas to get you started:
- Break away from loneliness and screentime dependency by investing more time with friends and family
- Schedule in physical fitness to help rewire your brain
- Get in touch with nature – birding, hiking, community gardening..
- Challenge yourself to try a new hobby
- Sharpen your mental skills by reading audiobooks or listening to podcasts
- Take steps toward rebuilding real relationship skills
- Volunteer to help your community – pet shelters, foster care support, Meals on Wheels, homeless shelters, and more…
It’s amazing how making small positive changes snowball over time – just like interest compounds in your savings account!
Recommit to your reason(s) for quitting porn
Have you listed your biggest WHY’s for wanting to quit porn? Do you desire personal freedom and a clean conscience before God?
Is leaving a legacy of faithfulness and integrity for your family important to you?
It’s time to tap into your purpose!
Jonathan recently shared his WHY with us:
“Long term, my prayer is
that I will have my wife by my side until I die,
because she is my daily reminder that
life is better with sexual integrity
than a life of endless porn.”
Super-Savvy Tip #3: Write your biggest WHY’s somewhere you will see them on a daily basis – like your phone screen.
Conclusion
Carpe Diem! (Fancy Latin words for “Seize the Day”)
When you experience a porn relapse, remember to do your u-turn right away.
The more you practice taking action immediately, the better you’ll get at not relapsing.
What is your next personal action step?
If you’re not yet accountable for your online viewing, why not try our porn accountability software absolutely free for 14 days?
You have nothing to lose but your fears and your unwanted porn habit.
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Change your habits, change your life: Start our 14-day free trial to help get rid of pornography for good.
